The Story....part 8

These are my confessions

I returned from my camping trip with a little peace of mind. More hopeful than I had been in several months. I confided in only a few close friends my new realization. Not surprisingly, they already knew. I pestered poor Nick into giving me the scoop on the latest with Scott and this other girl. He kindly obliged and was even somewhat encouraging in breaking up this new found relationship telling Scott my feelings. Now, I just needed to find the right time. I decided to hold off a few days/or weeks to determine if what I was feeling was really going to stick. I had a history of being wishy washy with this guy anyway. After a few days, I was close to losing it. I wanted him to know-now. I began planning my move to spill the beans. This wasn't going to be pretty. Especially with another girl in the picture. I was imagining a Ross and Rachel in London type moment. Ah...Friends, good show. I digress, I was then blessed with the best news I had heard in months. Scott had called it quits with the other girl. I think I practically cried in joy. I didn't want to overwhelm him, so I decided to play it cool and not text him right away like I really wanted to. Eventually, the next night, Scott text me. That was unusual because we still hadn't spoken in 2 weeks. He started texting me like nothing had ever happened-asking about work, camping, joking around. I played dumb for a little while and then eventually cut to the chase and asked if he needed to speak to me. He said he did. We decided to meet up and talk....right then. I rushed to change out of my typical outfit past 7 pm-pajamas. This occasion called for real pants. I needed to make a good impression. I anxiously peered at the window waiting for him until I saw his truck pull up. Deep breath..

I walked outside to the passenger side and got in the truck. We looked at each other grinning from ear to ear. It had felt like 2 years since we last saw each other. It was refreshing to be together again. We took off driving and didn't stop for an hour. We talked about everything that had happened the past two weeks while avoiding the obvious topic. After some time, he spilled the beans and confirmed that yes, he was again single. I admitted I was already aware of this information and how relieved I was at this news. He then went on to tell me that while he missed me over the past two weeks, he was happy to learn that he could actually have feelings for someone else. It took him two years, but he was encouraged to find that that was even capable. Buzzkill. This was not news that I wanted to hear. Especially before I was planning to give my big speech. I almost chickened out...almost. But I knew he needed to know, and I didn't want to keep it a secret anymore. So I let him have it. I explained to him how I had been feeling over the past two weeks. First, complete misery and then after having my "come to Jesus" moment, feeling hopeful and encouraged. I carefully explained how I had thought about getting back together and decided it was something I really wanted to pursue. I knew I had feelings for him and wanted to see if there was anything left for us. I also knew that if we didn't work out this time, chances were, our friendship wouldn't survive another breakup. It was a risky move.

I waited for his reaction...and quite frankly, I'm not sure what happened next. He began rambling on about his feelings what our friendship had been over the past two years. I knew he was talking, but I was not following. Whatever he was trying to tell me, I didn't find it too encouraging. I was expecting a more welcome response. But, I knew I needed to be patient and let him figure out his feelings. I had rejected him before and knew I couldn't expect it to be easy the second time around. I reassured him that I wasn't looking to start anything right away, and we both needed time for the dust to settle. I was not about to be a rebound. We eventually ended back at my house where he walked me to my door. As he walked away from me, he shouted out. "Just shoot me a text when you decide about that!" Um...what? A text? Didn't I already decide I wanted to date him? Wasn't that my "text" already? And was our relationship already reduced to having important conversations via text? I brushed it off and walked in the house satisfied with the night. I wasn't sure what was going to happen but I had hoped it would be in my favor.

We started texting more and even decided to meet again for lunch one day. I was giddy to see him again. I knew it was a good sign. We sat across from one another in the booth and he told me what his thoughts were after that night. He admitted to doing cartwheels when he got home :) I took that to mean things might be going as I hoped. I couldn't help but just stare at him over that meal and think about how crazy I was becoming about him. It was so strange to me. This was Scott we were talking about. I had tried to fight this feeling for two years and finally it took me by full force. It was a fun, and I was learning to like it.

We hung out more and more, starting to get reacquainted with one another after our hiatus. I started to get anxious over what the next move was going to be. I upped my flirting tactics to try and put out the vibe. Nothing. I even hinted to him that I was ready to do this thing. Nothing. One night, he came over and we lounged on the couch watching a TV movie. I carefully brought up the topic of "us" and asked him what our status was exactly. He laughed it off and said we would figure it out. Hmm....commercial break was ending, movie was back on, my parents would be home soon...I was not satisfied with that answer. I muted the TV and turned to him. "No, my parents will be home in 15 minutes, we need to figure this out now," I demanded."Scott, I'M IN." I said. He looked at me... and I saw it all click. He finally understood that I was really ready. And the best part was that I could see he was ready too. He buried his face in the cushion for a minute to catch his breath, not sure what to think. I waited patiently, hoping I didn't just make things awkward. When he came up for air, he looked at me and said "Well, if we're going to do this, we might as well do it right." He stood up, pulled me off the couch and held me close. He paused a minute, took a breath and laid one on me. I was shocked. Was this the same Scott who took a over a month to kiss me just two years prior? I wasn't expecting such a fast reaction. We sat back down and giggled at what just happened. My parents returned home and we ran out of there as soon as we could jump in the car. Scott drove us around aimlessly, both of us recovering from shock at the nights events. We were really doing this again. And it was scary, overwhelming and exciting all at once. I prayed that night over and over that I had made the right decision and that this time, our relationship together might turn our a little differently...