just in case you all were wondering-yes, it's hard to date when you have kids. here's why
1. babysitter. thankfully i'm lucky with my current live in babysitter situation. but when i do have to hire someone to come to my house i have to pick them up, come home, wait for my date to pick me up, return from date, put sleeping kids in car, take babysitter home, return home, put (hopefully) still sleeping kids back in bed. no bueno.
2. sheltering. my kids have only met 1 guy i've ever been out with and that was after awhile. i pretty much don't let them see anyone i go out with until i trust they'll be around awhile. i don't want guys coming and going in their lives. (this makes is sound like i go out a lot-i don't) this also means when i get picked up, i send the kids upstairs, or distract them and run out the door without them seeing who i'm leaving with. overkill? maybe. but it's how i do things.
3. take it or leave it. hi-i have 2 kids. that's always a fun thing to tell guys. i love to watch their reaction. are they freaking out? yes- no- maybe. do i talk about my kids when i'm on a date? in small doses, until i've felt out the situation. and yes, it's polite to ask about my kids. does that mean guys always do? NO. (that is another story) thankfully i've gotten to the point where i'm comfortable with saying i have kids. i don't feel like i have to hide it. if you don't like it-leave. we don't want you anyway. no, really...go.
4. "friends." i've never told my kids i had/have a boyfriend. (even when i did/do). i tell them i'm going out with a friend that's a guy. somehow, they still call them a boyfriend. and as they're getting older, i might have to explain this a little more. but for now, everyone is a "friend."
5. marriage. i tried once to tell my kids if i ever get married someday they'll gain a stepdad. and how step parents can be fun cause it's an "extra" parent. they exclaimed they already had a dad and became very concerned. i've been feeling very concerned for the past 4 years. a new parent? we've got a pretty good thing going with the 3 of us. the thought of someone stepping in freaks me out. enough said.
6. kids say and do the darndest things. no really, they can be really embarassing. whether it's by behavior (tantrums), human waste incidents (vomit, wetting pants) or what they say-sometimes it's too much to explain to someone i may have just started bringing around. not sure how many times they've brought up who and when i'm going to marry, who their dad, etc. in front of someone that may not feel comfortable with that sort of information. not to mention extreme cases of whininess, talking back, tantrums, etc. it can all be overwhelming to someone who's not their parent. it's overwhelming to even someone who IS their parent. but again, i'm to the point now that if they can't handle that, then they can't handle us and it's OK.
but on the other hand...
my kids make me want to choose VERY carefully who i spend my time with. it's awesome. and very motivating. you should try it sometime.
2 comments:
He who can handle you (and yours) will be a very lucky and blessed man.
Funny - I finally started dating people as IF I had kids and was looking for the type of dad I wanted for them. It's good advice whether you have kids or not. :) Love your guts, Bon.
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