i was reading someone's blog the either day (probably someone i don't know, can't remember) and they said how they NEVER yelled at their children and their parents NEVER yelled at them growing up. at first, this really annoyed me. another self righteous mommy blog that made me feel awful (although i'm sure not the intention) about my parenting skills. i'm pretty sure moms are programmed to carry guilty with them ALL the time. or at least i am. i blame a lot of my frustrations on dealing with my kids on being a single mom. actually i blame a lot of any of my less than stellar actions on that. it's a good scapegoat. awhile after i read that article, i decided i would try to yell LESS at my kids and try and have more patience. more of a realistic goal for me. so far (maybe it's been only a week or so) it's been going really good and i haven't yelled at my kids at all. its been so much nicer not to let myself get that upset and stop to think for a moment before i do anything. in turn, it ends up shutting me up a lot because to be honest, i don't know how to handle them sometimes. so instead of yelling, i just calmly mumble a lot of nonsense to them and they cry and vent their frustrations to me. don't think that's the best parenting technique cause i'm not really sending any sort of message, but it's a baby step for me. things i haven't yelled at my kids for today-
1st thing this morning- tucker rinsing my last pair of contacts down the sink drain. $140 dollars later after eye appt, more contacts and a few ugly hours in my glasses, i kinda have to laugh
tucker spilling chocolate milk all over the kitchen counter, bar stool and kitchen floor
tucker AGAIN spilling milk all over the kitchen table
telling my kids 5 times to get ready for bed within 10 minutes and having them ignore me each time
pounding on the piano while i'm doing my homework
grace accidently pinching my arm fat between the bed and well, my arm. (it really hurt, i was annoyed)
grace's CONSTANT harrassment of her brother. especially in the bathroom.
all in all, successful day. and we all still love each other tonight, so that's always a good thing.
17 comments:
oh girl, I hear ya on this one. there are some days where I feel like i have zero ounces of patience. I really need to be better about not getting frustrated and yelling about the little things that really aren't that big of a deal!! thanks for the reminder!
*love that pic btw! so cute!*
this was so good for me to read. so good. i am a yelling machine lately. and i'm trying to calm down too.
as far as the mom who says she doesn't yell at her kids, i think she's a liar.
:)
This was perfect for me to read today, Bon! I woke up this morning and said, "Heavenly Father, Please help me to not yell at my kids today." I know that means they will give me plenty of reasons to yell, but I am going to refrain. I keep thinking of when I read the Birth to Six years old book of Love & Logic and how hard I tried to implement it. I just need to go back and reread it and try again. You are awesome, Bon! And let's face it, our kids are growing up in a very loud family anyway! :)
First off, adorable picture. LOVE it.
Second, kudos to not yelling at your kids after a day like that. I try my best to be a calm mommy, but lets face it sometimes they need a good scolding. I try not to raise my voice, but sometimes that is a good as it gets :)
Heidi, so true-with a family like ours, we can't help but be loud.:)
Dear Bon and Heidi: I resemble that remark about being in a loud family. Not yelling at your kids can take a lifetime of practice, so be patient with yourself. I just read about a talk by Wendy Watson Nelson where she talked about being a "holy " woman, trying to be "holy" in all our words and actions. It was an experiment, and one girl wrote back to her that she envisioned the Savior being with her in the room when she was short-tempered with her child about brushing her teeth, and what a difference it made in how she spoke to him. Worth trying....
I feel like this all the time!!! I wonder if I am the only one that is yelling at their kids and I wonder if I'm ruining my kids too and they'll forever have bad memories of their mother constantly yelling. I need to take those same baby steps and see if i can't be better. You're an inspiration!!! Love ya girly
Bon, my advice is to try reading different blogs.
You are such a great mom. I obviously have no experience in that department yet, but you are such a great person and setting smaller goals is always awesome. Great job Bon!
This made me laugh! I don't have a baby old enough to yell at yet, but I'm not judging anyone that does ;) Good work!
remember that if you ever need to take aggression out, we can always play racquetball.
on a serious note: i really like the horchata song and i really think you're a good person. good people yell and it's cool you want to fix it and it helps me want to fix things about myself.
Bonnie,
I have to say how much I enjoy reading your blog. It is always so comforting to me. This is was one of my new year's resolutions and I have already failed on a few occasions. I think you are a wonderful mother and your kids are going to grow up knowing that they were very special and lucky to have someone like you as a parent. Good luck and thanks for reminding me of my own goal.
Oh, you are not the only one. I swear I am yelling, counting and threatening spanks all day. I am certain threatening is horrible parenting!!!
Yeah, I only have one and he is 9months and that is all starting already. I would be stressed too, but you do the best you can with what you are given. Your a great person and you are allowed to not always be at your best, your kids love you.
also- I'm so in love with your super hero pictures! Too cute.
I "amen" everything said. It's hard to be consistent and calm when the kids are being crazy and naughty. I was just telling Trent yesterday that I was so exhausted from trying to control my temper ALL DAY! It's hard but worth it. I love your mom's advice...
I don't know if it's just an excuse every {honest :O)} Mom uses or not but yelling kinda comes with the territory. And it is SUCH a hard habit to break! My 3 year old sometimes only responds when she knows my head is about to explode - SO FRUSTRATING!! I'm curious though, if that mom HONESTLY doesn't yell at her kids, what's her downfall? You KNOW she has one, so don't let her "perfection" intimidate you, cuz I can guarantee she isn't! You're doing great and truthfully I would rather see a mom who yells on occasion than one who lets her kids run wild without any kind of discipline at all...
people who say that have bad memories... they just can't remember.
i've been sitting with baby a lot, trying to rule the house from the lazy boy with an infant attached to me, so verbal communication is all i have at some moments... needless to say i'm not having any lofty goals about noise level at the moment.
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