A day of sorts..

Two days ago, two years ago, a lot of things in my life changed. That's when I had to step up to the plate and face a lot of agonizing decisions and one major trial. I had just returned home from my family reunion to realize my whole life came crashing down. I wouldn't wish divorce on anybody. It is one of the most painful things a person can go through I think. I'm so grateful that I had my family through all of it, because if I didn't, I would've had nowhere to fall. I'm most of all grateful I had my two children. They made me get up in the mornings and think about someone else beside myself and the pain of it all. They are constant joys in my life (although I may complain about them sometimes). I don't regret things that have happened in my life. They have made me who I am, and a much stronger, smarter person. I am incredibly grateful for my divorce (yes, I did just say that). It turned my life in a direction I needed to go. I still struggle every single day with dealing with so much by myself. I struggle everyday with how my life still isn't exactly where I want it to be, and why I have to wait so long for things to fall into place. But at the same time, I am constantly reminding myself of my blessings, and pray for patience every single day. That's all I can really do at this point. Being married at 19, having a baby at barely 20, another at 21 and divorced by 22 can certainly scare other people away, but I live to entertain right? Mentally I feel about 30 or so, so that causes some dilema of where I fit within the single scene. But I think given my situation I have it pretty good. Make lemonade out of lemons right? Anywho, this date gets less and less memorable each year, which I'm thankful for. Soon, it will come and go and I won't even realize. Even now, I didn't remember until that night. The power to forget is a beautiful thing. So many people told me I should've been keeping a journal during my whole separation/divorce ordeal. I thought it was a horrible move and I would never want to remember those feelings. I was absolutely right. I didn't keep a journal and I'm so glad I didn't. who wants to remember? At this point, I suppose I could write down a summarized version now that I have a clear head and no hard feelings for at least family history. But no rush to relive right now. So there you have it....there are my ramblings for the evening and I suppose I have put off preparing for Primary long enough.